Topic: Autumn

Topic: Autumn

Miami University was made for autumn.  With its red brick buildings and tree lined walkways it looks like the movie set for every college film set in the Midwest.  In the fall of my freshman year, 1983, it was a particularly gorgeous fall day.  You didn’t need a coat--a sweater would do just fine.

 I was walking from my dorm to the dining hall for lunch in late October.  After lunch I was going to walk to the performing arts building for my weekly voice lesson.   I don’t know where I got the idea, but I thought I might sing better if I dressed up a bit for my lesson.  I wore a blue knee length cotton dress with small pink flowers and a broad white lace collar.  The skirt flared out a bit and it came with a belt in the same floral as the dress.  I remember checking my look in the full-length mirror we had hanging on the back of the door to our tiny dorm room, and thinking that the belt was a good touch. I thought it nipped in my waist nicely and gave me the hourglass effect I was going for.  Back then I had thick pretty reddish-brown hair with feathered bangs.  Before I headed out, I sprayed a little Aqua Net on my bangs and touched up my lips with Bonne Bell lip smacker Dr. Pepper flavor.  I smiled at my reflection.  I felt pretty.

To get to the dining hall I had to walk past the freshman boy’s dorm.  Some guys on one of the upper floors had their speakers in the windows blasting “Photograph” by Def Leppard.  I hummed along and stepped lightly in my blue flats.  I crunched some leaves intentionally as I walked.  I had struggled with feeling homesick since I had started college a few months back.  But on this day, I felt so collegiate, like maybe this was where I belonged.  It was fall and I was doing well in my classes.  The air was crisp, but not too cold.  I smiled at the world.

Then the music stopped and I heard one of the boys from the dorm yell, “Lose about fifty pounds.  Then you’d look halfway decent, bitch.” 

Who could they be talking to?  I looked behind and beside me and saw no one.  Then he repeated the taunt.  I didn’t look up.  I tried not to speed up.  I tried to pretend I didn’t hear what he said.  Then a different voice began to make sounds like a pig.  I felt a tear escape from my left eye.  Then a voice in my head, I think it was my mom’s, saying, “Do not let these motherfuckers see you cry.”  I kept walking and focused on keeping my pace as steady and light as before.  I crunched a few more leaves. 

“I know you hear me.  Yeah, I’m talking to you,” he called out.  I thought about yelling back or flipping him off, but I heard my mom’s voice again telling me, “Do not dignify any of this with a response.”  I made it past the back of the dorm and ate lunch.  I went to my voice lesson.  The next time I went to my voice lesson I wore jeans and a baggy sweatshirt.

I wonder if those boys remember this day like I do.  I wonder if they have wives.  Or daughters.  And I wonder if a perfect autumn day brings it to their remembrance.