Topic: The Nature of Creativity

By Jill Jackson

There was a time when almost all of my creative expression was in the form of words. I would write stories -- mostly science fiction and fantasy.

There was also a time that I felt I wasn’t qualified to be creative with words because I didn’t study or major in writing in college.

It was some bullshit but, basically, there was this writing professor who was supposed to be “the shit,” who was the self-proclaimed arbiter of who was and wasn’t worthy to be in his class and, by extension, the writing program at Antioch.

I didn’t make the cut, and I internalized that bullshit.

It didn’t stop me from being a film major, and writing a film script, but it did stop me from thinking I could ever write a BOOK. You know, REAL literature as opposed to the mind-rotting drivel that was movie and TV writing.

I held that belief long after college; telling myself that I never learned how to be a proper writer, so I shouldn’t try.

At some point I woke the fuck up and got over myself, but I held myself back for YEARS.

I should add that, all that time, it didn’t stop me from thinking up stories and scenarios; it just kept me from writing them down.

Now I’m in a position where I want to write, and I can’t.

I take medication for depression and anxiety and it works really well for me. Unfortunately, I discovered that the part of my brain that jumps to the worst possible conclusion must also be the part of my brain that tells stories, because the ideas dried up like the Gobi Desert the minute the meds started working.

The interesting thing is that, while I can’t consciously call up images and ideas, my dreams have become more vivid and narrative. When I sleep, my brain is totally capable of telling interesting stories -- Sometimes they even stick with me when I wake up.

I’ve started writing them down, when I can, to see if anything sparks an idea for a story.

I also recently realized that, while the words and images for stories are hard to reach, I can be creative in other ways.

Take cooking.

I’m the one in charge of making most of our meals, and I find that I can get very creative with the dishes that I throw together – especially with the way I treat the main protein.

I’ve always been creative with food preparation, but I never really recognized or respected that type of creativity because…

Well, I really don’t know why. Maybe because it was so intuitive and natural. It was just something I did, often without much thought or effort.

I mean, everybody prepares food. What I’m doing isn’t so special. And then I joined this meal prep group on Facebook and something clicked.

On the daily, there are people posting messages listing ingredients that they have and asking for suggestions, and I realized that not everyone can look in their pantry and come up with something on the fly.

The plate is a valid canvas and the ingredients make an amazing palette.

I have also found that I can get creative with clothing.

I’m going to be getting a sewing machine and I already have ideas for tops that I can make to go with the jeans that I love to wear. I’m thinking about patterns and prints and styles that I can’t find in my size.

I’m no fashion designer, but I am inspired by the possibilities.

I used to think that my creativity was all dried up because I could no longer write the way I used to.

Now I’ve realized that I’m still creative, I just needed to open my eyes to the other ways that I express myself.