Bureaucracy

I've had a lot of name changes in my life.  When I was born in 1965 I had one middle name, my great grandmother's surname, Murray. Mom told me they added my second middle name, Remembrance when I was about seven.  My younger brother Chris in 1968 was given two unusual middle names, Parnell and Telemachus.  Marty followed in 1971 with his two equally interesting and discussion-provoking middle names, Luther and King.  I suppose they didn't want me to feel left out, and Remembrance was and is a pretty badass middle name.  It had been in our family for generations.  Nevertheless, I found having two middle names to be a bit tedious so when I divorced in the late 1990s I discovered that one of the "benefits" of going through a divorce is that the woman can change her name for no extra charge.  I know this is supposed to be a story about bureaucracy and that simple maneuver/name change seemed like I was cutting through some red tape.  But it was only temporary.  That seemingly simple name change would come back to haunt me. 

When I divorced I didn't want to keep my ex husband's last name.  I wasn't particularly fond of the man--he was my ex husband after all.  I didn't want to go back to my maiden name either.  I was a grown woman in my thirties with two children.  I had a wonderful childhood and wonderful parents.  I mean, just look at the cool names they picked out for us-my parents were the best!  But somehow the idea of going back to my maiden name post divorce made me feel like an even bigger failure than I already felt because my marriage had failed-again.  Yes, again.  I married my first husband and divorced him and married him again and divorced him a second time.  I didn't change my name the first time.  So as part of the second divorce I opted to drop my middle name, Murray, and use it as my last name.  Buried in the fifty or so pages of our divorce agreement is the single line that legally changed my name, "The wife shall take the name Bridgid Remembrance Murray."

When I remarried a few years later I simply dropped the Murray altogether and just took my new husband's last name. Fast forward to 2017 when I tried to get a TSA pre-check clearance.  Basically this helps if you travel by plane frequently.  You avoid having to go through the long lines and having to remove your shoes at the airport.  It's supposed to cut through a lot of bureaucracy and save time. I made an appointment at the TSA place.  You couldn't just walk in.  I had to take off work, because they only had Monday-Friday business hours.   I brought all the required documents-or so I thought.  They looked at my birth certificate which had an addendum stapled to it that showed when my parents added the "Remembrance" to my name. The clerk remarked about how cool my middle name was.  Then she saw my social security card and my id wanted to know what happened to the "Murray" in my name.  I explained how it had been dropped legally in the 1990s. 

"We're gonna need to see some documentation, maam. I mean, you can't just drop your middle name. How do we know this is your birth certificate?  This birth certificate has Murray on it, but this social security card doesn't show Murray." Really?  I mean how many people are named Bridgid Remembrance?  I suspect I might be the only one in the country.  I really didn't want to miss any more work, but they wouldn't budge.  So I drove 45 minutes home and found my old divorce decree.  I triumphantly placed it on the counter,

I flipped through the document and proudly pointed, "There, you see, it says on page 32 item #45,  the wife shall take the name Bridgid Remembrance Murray.  See what I did there?  I was tired of having two middle names and so I just used Murray as my last name." 

She wasn't having it. "Okay, that's all well and good, but I'm gonna have to see your original marriage certificate then.  I mean what was your name before the divorce?"

"Which divorce?" I asked. 

"Well how many times have you been married anyway, maam?" she demanded with an eye roll for emphasis.

I asked what that had to with anything.  I really didn't want to get into all of that.  I reluctantly explained that I married this husband and divorced him twice.  She chuckled.  "Didn't learn your lesson the first time, huh? Well I need to see your marriage certificate from your first marriage then" 

But that was 30 years ago!  I stormed out. I called the Boone County Kentucky recorders office the next day.  After an hour on hold they explained I could order a new copy of my marriage certificate from 1987.  I'd  just have to send a cashier's check or money order for $9.95 or so.  It couldn't be a personal check. 

It was then that I decided I was done playing this game and gave up on getting  my TSA clearance.  I thought it would be easier to just go through airport security.  At least no one there asked me how times I'd been married or passed judgment about my choices.  I'd take a pat down any day over what they put me through at the TSA clearance place.